Anxiety

On a more personal note, as if there was such a thing for me.
I've noticed that over the years, it's becoming harder for me to meet people in real life and strike up conversation.
The HIRL downtown Orlando a couple weeks ago was a prime example of that.
At first, I almost backed out and left before anyone got there.
Then the first few people started trickling in and I felt trapped.
Anxiety started tearing, clawing at me.
Screaming for me to run.
Run away before they hear you speak.
Before they see through the facade you put up for most of the public.
Before the happy go lucky guy that they are looking at crumbles into the broken, damaged soul that sits in front of his computer day after day, trying to connect with other people in the only way that is sterile and comfortable, just in the hopes of finding other people that are maybe even a percentage as fucked in the head as he is.
Then the awesomeness that is humanity shined its light upon that man, beers were ingested, then the anxiety started to subside a little.
The screams and claw marks started to fade, just a tad.
By the end of the night, things weren't so bad.
Awesome sauce people were met from all corners of the world.
Pics were taken, smiles were freely given in the absence of fucks to give.
But all the while, the demons await the deafening silence of solitude.
Vying for the chance to ply their awful trade of self doubt, destruction of self image, all the other classic hits.
They will have their day again, they always do somehow.
No matter what weapons we devise in the fight against our demons, they almost always stay one step ahead.
Sometimes though, we are able to outpace them, yet they are never out of the rearview.
Embrace your demons, learn them, take power in the knowledge of them and their vile existence.
For that is the only way to keep them in your rearview.

(Rant over)